One of the hardest aspects for me is that normally I’m very outgoing; since being on a boat, I find that I’m very hesitant to meet other cruisers. I’m just as content to snorkel or read a book as go to a dock/beach party. Usually (at my husband’s insistence) we host cruisers on our cat and I always have a good time. But…I also don’t put myself out as much as before.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot because it’s been baffling to my husband and I. I think I’ve figured out that it’s the stress of making a new friend, hanging out for a few days (or months in a rally) and then the sailing plans differ and these great friends become an occasional WhatsApp catch up. And I hate that part of it. The people out on the water always have interesting stories of how they ended up doing this but then there’s the loss when we have to say goodbye.
Yep, Nick can totally relate. He finds it very hard to form close friendships with people then say goodbye soon after- that's unfortunately the reality of our nomadic lifestyle. It can be tough.
We're about to move onto our sailboat and cruise full-time, and this is a big thing I'm thinking about. I don't like hanging out with 'just anybody' (I'd rather be alone), but I also need social interactions with great people. BUT I'm reluctant to meet endless cool people only to say bye within days time. What a catch 22!
When I was younger, I spent an extended solo holiday in New Zealand, and I got to the point where meeting new people felt like more trouble than it was worth. Granted, that was before smartphones and Facebook. But still, I was surrounded by amazing people and too focused on the negative part (saying good bye).
My husband, our seven-year-old son, and I have recently transitioned to full-time living on our new Seawind. I’ve been chronicling our adventures on Substack, and it’s reassuring to hear from seasoned sailors (my husband, a long-time YouTube follower, can attest) that our feelings are shared. Living aboard full-time is challenging and exhausting, and while we’re only at the beginning of our journey, I know the positives will outweigh the negatives.
I'll articulate a potential modality and one I'm thankful to have access to for managing the various range or emotions later.
Touching on the guilt thing. I can resonate with what was articulated, both sides of it.
My watershed moment (or a series of moments) began with the character that my father instilled in me (yes T like you I have Dutch heritage). My father always said that it was important to celebrate others success, simply because I have no real idea what it took for them, the work and sacrifices they made to be where they are.
My father and mother immigrated to Australia after WW2 with as little as 20 guilders in their pockets. My father spent years cutting cane in the fields of Proserpine Nth Queensland (including betting bit by snakes). time passed and so have my parents and I'm typing this while sitting in a house that could potentially fetch up to 1mil. I stand on their shoulders because of work ethic. So no I feel no guilt for my success.
On that note I will always celebrate the success of others and sometime I'm moved to tears because I love seeing others live a life they love. I must confess that there were times while watching your adventures and the joy they bring you I found myself feeling your joy vicariously and there were tears in my eyes because you fkn deserve to be happy. I would offer that by celebrating others successes and being available when they don’t give a perspective that will overcome any thoughts that may result in "guilt for your own success.
I would offer that it's possibly not guilt that's felt for leaving others behind like family and friends, it's more like a kind remorse of sorts. While family and friends will have their own joys to experience, it’s the thought/feeling of a kind of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) that is felt for them that they won’t be collectively sharing your experiences. To that I’d say, that ok 9note previously my comments on vicarious living). The joys and sadnesses where applicable can be shared even though they aren’t physically present.
The key thing is to never feel guilt for living your dream. Easier to say than do I sense.
Anxiety, is a unique emotion. Anxiety, as it’s been explained to me and confirmed in this quote:
“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” ~Kahlil Gibran
A healthy concern for making sure that all goes as smooth as possible is a function of P^6. Prior Planning Prevents a Piss Poor Performance.
So please keep building on your wonderful adventure cause I so look forward to every moment you both share with us. The place you go and the experiences shared are so amazing. Having lived in, and worked in the south of France (Aix en Provence) I love seeing the amazing places you’re currently at (last sailing season cause I know you’re both In Oz at the moment. And please keek showing the nerdy tech stuff cause I’m a tech nerd too.
Live and love large, ok
Now I’ll share a modality that I have been both trained in and use as needed. It called Kinesiology. The following link explains it perfectly and can be read at leisure (https://touchforhealth.us/about-touch-for-health/). In short every emotion has a corresponding energy signature that can be “smoothed out” (cleared) through Kinesiology.
So please know, that from the bottom of my current land locked heart (SE Queensland), I celebrate every success and labour with any failures with you because, well it matters.
I found your channel in the first place via trying to praise my family to move onto a boat. They wouldn't go, and so we all still live on land -- someday, I'll get to spend some time on the water, even if it's just to charter a boat for a crossing once, to have the experience.
But I can completely resonate with the thing about getting out of the United States, which we *did* do. We live in the Netherlands now, largely due to the political disaster area that the US has become. No, the consequences of that disaster are sadly not limited to to US. But they're not as severe here in Europe, I've discovered.
We're a bit sheltered here, and while I'm very grateful, I experience the same emotions of guilt for getting out while many of my friends want to, and loneliness when I have to leave behind the ones who didn't come, and fly back here after a visit to my college-she child or my parents. And the stress of immigrating to a new country, having to function in a new language, and in our case also having to start a new business (a requirement for Americans immigrating to the Netherlands under the treaty that allowed us to come) has been pretty overwhelming at times.
I don't regret moving. Both because I really like it here and because I *don't* like the way it feels to be part of the US anymore. But just as you don't regret living on a boat and cruising full time, but you can still feel guilt, stress and loneliness, so can we.
We are beginning this journey, picking up our boat next month, thinking quietly and out loud all the same questions from our parents to not-quite-yet grandkids. Thanks for sharing and validating all the emotions and questions.
Hi, thanks for sharing your insights. We’re preparing to move on our new boat this spring to start cruising full time and have a least acknowledged the emotional challenges ahead. We’ll see how well we get on.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts, it makes sense and it all sounds familiar although we have been away with Sirius for longer than 1 month.
We read your Web blog where you described your preparations of leaving with RR. This is a nice follow-up.
We'll leave for 4 months in a few weeks and I am a bit worried about loneliness too. I'm not really extravert, and Jouke is really introvert. We'll see hiw that goes.
Money can easily purchase a sailing vessel and you expect it to be just like a new motor vehicle. You expect every system to work perfectly but a sailing boat does not come off a well organised production line so things don't work.
Furthermore, would you try to fix your latest modern car on the side of any road? No of course not.
Furthermore car mechanics and us old salts started sailing on simple vessels with few systems and added new equipment one at a time so when we now step on to a modern vessels we understand the very basics and how they are put together. There is no stress here.
While I support all those that go to sea in a boat your dreams need to be tempered by your ability and experience. So don't stress when things go wrong think of it as a slow learning experience packed into a few days.
One of the hardest aspects for me is that normally I’m very outgoing; since being on a boat, I find that I’m very hesitant to meet other cruisers. I’m just as content to snorkel or read a book as go to a dock/beach party. Usually (at my husband’s insistence) we host cruisers on our cat and I always have a good time. But…I also don’t put myself out as much as before.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot because it’s been baffling to my husband and I. I think I’ve figured out that it’s the stress of making a new friend, hanging out for a few days (or months in a rally) and then the sailing plans differ and these great friends become an occasional WhatsApp catch up. And I hate that part of it. The people out on the water always have interesting stories of how they ended up doing this but then there’s the loss when we have to say goodbye.
Yep, Nick can totally relate. He finds it very hard to form close friendships with people then say goodbye soon after- that's unfortunately the reality of our nomadic lifestyle. It can be tough.
We're about to move onto our sailboat and cruise full-time, and this is a big thing I'm thinking about. I don't like hanging out with 'just anybody' (I'd rather be alone), but I also need social interactions with great people. BUT I'm reluctant to meet endless cool people only to say bye within days time. What a catch 22!
When I was younger, I spent an extended solo holiday in New Zealand, and I got to the point where meeting new people felt like more trouble than it was worth. Granted, that was before smartphones and Facebook. But still, I was surrounded by amazing people and too focused on the negative part (saying good bye).
My husband, our seven-year-old son, and I have recently transitioned to full-time living on our new Seawind. I’ve been chronicling our adventures on Substack, and it’s reassuring to hear from seasoned sailors (my husband, a long-time YouTube follower, can attest) that our feelings are shared. Living aboard full-time is challenging and exhausting, and while we’re only at the beginning of our journey, I know the positives will outweigh the negatives.
They absolutely will Carri, but the beginning can be tough. Hang in there, you got this!
Hi N&T. Sensational article and well written.
I'll articulate a potential modality and one I'm thankful to have access to for managing the various range or emotions later.
Touching on the guilt thing. I can resonate with what was articulated, both sides of it.
My watershed moment (or a series of moments) began with the character that my father instilled in me (yes T like you I have Dutch heritage). My father always said that it was important to celebrate others success, simply because I have no real idea what it took for them, the work and sacrifices they made to be where they are.
My father and mother immigrated to Australia after WW2 with as little as 20 guilders in their pockets. My father spent years cutting cane in the fields of Proserpine Nth Queensland (including betting bit by snakes). time passed and so have my parents and I'm typing this while sitting in a house that could potentially fetch up to 1mil. I stand on their shoulders because of work ethic. So no I feel no guilt for my success.
On that note I will always celebrate the success of others and sometime I'm moved to tears because I love seeing others live a life they love. I must confess that there were times while watching your adventures and the joy they bring you I found myself feeling your joy vicariously and there were tears in my eyes because you fkn deserve to be happy. I would offer that by celebrating others successes and being available when they don’t give a perspective that will overcome any thoughts that may result in "guilt for your own success.
I would offer that it's possibly not guilt that's felt for leaving others behind like family and friends, it's more like a kind remorse of sorts. While family and friends will have their own joys to experience, it’s the thought/feeling of a kind of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) that is felt for them that they won’t be collectively sharing your experiences. To that I’d say, that ok 9note previously my comments on vicarious living). The joys and sadnesses where applicable can be shared even though they aren’t physically present.
The key thing is to never feel guilt for living your dream. Easier to say than do I sense.
Anxiety, is a unique emotion. Anxiety, as it’s been explained to me and confirmed in this quote:
“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” ~Kahlil Gibran
A healthy concern for making sure that all goes as smooth as possible is a function of P^6. Prior Planning Prevents a Piss Poor Performance.
So please keep building on your wonderful adventure cause I so look forward to every moment you both share with us. The place you go and the experiences shared are so amazing. Having lived in, and worked in the south of France (Aix en Provence) I love seeing the amazing places you’re currently at (last sailing season cause I know you’re both In Oz at the moment. And please keek showing the nerdy tech stuff cause I’m a tech nerd too.
Live and love large, ok
Now I’ll share a modality that I have been both trained in and use as needed. It called Kinesiology. The following link explains it perfectly and can be read at leisure (https://touchforhealth.us/about-touch-for-health/). In short every emotion has a corresponding energy signature that can be “smoothed out” (cleared) through Kinesiology.
So please know, that from the bottom of my current land locked heart (SE Queensland), I celebrate every success and labour with any failures with you because, well it matters.
Regard
Darren & Rowena
Thank you both. Very thoughtful words. Agree that this complex set of emotions can be applied to many different circumstances.
You are so lucky to be out there! We are in stupid world USA with govt sabotaging 🤨💕
Unfortunately the tentacles of the US govt isn't limited to the US mainland; the entire world feels the impact. But yes, we are very, very lucky.
I found your channel in the first place via trying to praise my family to move onto a boat. They wouldn't go, and so we all still live on land -- someday, I'll get to spend some time on the water, even if it's just to charter a boat for a crossing once, to have the experience.
But I can completely resonate with the thing about getting out of the United States, which we *did* do. We live in the Netherlands now, largely due to the political disaster area that the US has become. No, the consequences of that disaster are sadly not limited to to US. But they're not as severe here in Europe, I've discovered.
We're a bit sheltered here, and while I'm very grateful, I experience the same emotions of guilt for getting out while many of my friends want to, and loneliness when I have to leave behind the ones who didn't come, and fly back here after a visit to my college-she child or my parents. And the stress of immigrating to a new country, having to function in a new language, and in our case also having to start a new business (a requirement for Americans immigrating to the Netherlands under the treaty that allowed us to come) has been pretty overwhelming at times.
I don't regret moving. Both because I really like it here and because I *don't* like the way it feels to be part of the US anymore. But just as you don't regret living on a boat and cruising full time, but you can still feel guilt, stress and loneliness, so can we.
Well said Naomi. I’m sure with time you’ll settle into your new life but the transition is always difficult
We are beginning this journey, picking up our boat next month, thinking quietly and out loud all the same questions from our parents to not-quite-yet grandkids. Thanks for sharing and validating all the emotions and questions.
yep, they're very valid emotions but at the same time, you have to live your life- this is such an exciting time for you, wishing you the best!
Hi, thanks for sharing your insights. We’re preparing to move on our new boat this spring to start cruising full time and have a least acknowledged the emotional challenges ahead. We’ll see how well we get on.
That's so exciting Joe, best of luck! It will be fantastic.
Hi, you beautiful people,
Thank you for sharing these thoughts, it makes sense and it all sounds familiar although we have been away with Sirius for longer than 1 month.
We read your Web blog where you described your preparations of leaving with RR. This is a nice follow-up.
We'll leave for 4 months in a few weeks and I am a bit worried about loneliness too. I'm not really extravert, and Jouke is really introvert. We'll see hiw that goes.
Guilt? No.
Live, Rob Jouke and Tijger.
Wow you’re leaving on your adventures already?! That came up quickly. So exciting!
8 days and counting
EEEEEK!!
10 weeks and counting.
A very well written sea log/ diary entry. Loved it!
Thank you!
Love it
Money can easily purchase a sailing vessel and you expect it to be just like a new motor vehicle. You expect every system to work perfectly but a sailing boat does not come off a well organised production line so things don't work.
Furthermore, would you try to fix your latest modern car on the side of any road? No of course not.
Furthermore car mechanics and us old salts started sailing on simple vessels with few systems and added new equipment one at a time so when we now step on to a modern vessels we understand the very basics and how they are put together. There is no stress here.
While I support all those that go to sea in a boat your dreams need to be tempered by your ability and experience. So don't stress when things go wrong think of it as a slow learning experience packed into a few days.